Challenging Conversations: The conversation avoided today, could become costly tomorrow

Every manager has conversations they would prefer to avoid. Addressing poor performance, challenging inappropriate behaviours or discussing concerns about attendance can all feel uncomfortable to raise. Most managers I’ve spoken to say they avoid these conversations for fear of conflict or simply are concerned about upsetting someone or damaging the working relationship. Avoiding these conversations rarely makes the issue disappear. More often than not, it allows problems to grow until they become even more difficult to raise, and sometimes more costly to resolve.

I was reminded of this recently whilst delivering an on-site management development workshop for a client on handling these challenging conversations. During the session, one message resonated with every manager in the room: most workplace issues do not escalate because managers make poor decisions with bad intentions, they escalate because conversations are delayed or avoided altogether. The confidence to tackle issues early is often the difference between a constructive outcome and a formal employee relations matter.

One of the most common themes in workplace grievances and employment disputes is not that a difficult conversation took place, but that it didn't happen soon enough. Managers often delay giving feedback in the hope that performance will improve naturally, or they avoid addressing behavioural concerns because they are unsure how to approach the discussion. By the time the issue is finally addressed, weeks or even months may have passed, allowing the behaviour or performance to become considered as the norm.

At this stage, the manager's frustration has often built, and what should have been an informal coaching style conversation with a positive outcome, can quickly become a frustrated or even formal discussion. When concerns are raised for the first time in this way, managers may unintentionally come across as frustrated or critical rather than supportive and solution focused. As a result, this can leave an employee feeling blindsided, defensive or unfairly treated, particularly if they were unaware that their performance or behaviour had become a concern.

Without clear expectations, timely feedback and the opportunity to improve, employees are far more likely to perceive the process as one that is unfair. What could have been resolved through an early, informal and constructive conversation can quickly escalate into a formal process, grievance or wider employee relations issue. 

Effective managers understand that having these difficult conversations are a necessary part of their role. They are not about criticism or confrontation; they are about providing clarity, support and accountability. When approached correctly, these conversations help employees understand the expectations of them, address the concerns early and make the required improvements before problems become established.

During the workshop, we explored some real- life workplace scenarios, giving managers the opportunity to practise structuring conversations, ask effective questions and respond to challenging push back. Confidence grows through feeling prepared. Managerial training provides the knowledge and understanding of how to structure these conversations to achieve the best outcomes, and having a safe space to have a go, and get it wrong is invaluable and creates a forum for learning through reflection. The more opportunities managers have to develop their skills, the more likely they are to feel confident or at the very least comfortable and will address issues promptly and professionally.

I always say preparation is key. Managers should gather the facts, focus on the observed behaviours of a situation without making any assumptions, and ultimately, they should be clear going into these types of discussions of the outcome they are seeking. 

Conversations should be held professionally and in private. They need to be respectful and objective, allowing the employee the opportunity to respond and explain their perspective while ensuring future expectations are communicated clearly. Agreeing clear actions and documenting what has been discussed provides clarity for both parties and creates an accurate record should further action ever become necessary.

Consistency is equally important. Similar situations should be managed in a similar way, regardless of the individual involved. Inconsistent approaches can undermine trust within the team and create unnecessary legal risk if employees believe they have been treated less favourably than their colleagues.

Also, knowing when to involve HR is another important aspect of effective people management. While managers should feel confident handling everyday performance and conduct conversations, they should also know when is best to seek advice from HR, where issues involve potential discrimination, safeguarding concerns, complex absence cases or where formal procedures may be on the horizon. Asking for guidance early is a sign of good judgement and is never a weakness. 

The confidence to hold challenging conversations is not something that comes naturally to many. It is a skill that can be learnt and requires practice and support. Managers who understand how to communicate clearly, provide constructive feedback and deal with challenging situations calmly are far more likely to resolve issues informally, maintain positive working relationships and reduce organisational risk.

The conversation you avoid today may become tomorrow's grievance. By selecting the right training that will equip managers with the confidence and skills required to address issues early, means organisations can foster a culture of openness, fairness and accountability, protecting both their people and the business.

Could you or your managers confidently handle a difficult conversation today? If not, investing in practical management development can help to develop confidence and the required skills, as well as raise awareness of the potential risks that avoidance or delay can create. 

To find out more about training and development from SVC and to discuss how you can better equip your managers to have those conversations that make the biggest difference, reduce organisational risk and build a more positive workplace culture, then contact a member of the team…